swallow

Sometimes I find the changes we suddenly face so hard to swallow…

Tomorrow we leave for our daughters Make A Wish trip. She loves Disney…so going to Disney World will be amazingly fun for her. But I think thing she is most excited for is being with our whole family together for the vacation.

Our kids…they fight…they are after all siblings. But they love each other so much too. Jonathan insists that he be the one to push her in her wheelchair. And Jennifer seems to really like it. Of course I do too!

Something got Jonathan sick on Friday night…and Tony a bit sick last night (but he is sure its food). Honestly though we have no way of knowing if the rest of us might get sick on the trip.

We are a “rush” trip. Meaning her drs felt that we needed to go January at the latest to make the trip the best possible. That also means we cant stay at the Give Kids The World Resort in Orlando…its supposed to be an amazing place just for Make A Wish families. I have been flustered and a bit bummed out that we can’t stay there…But the truth is it all comes down to the overwhelming horror in the realization that her oncologists feel she couldn’t wait til February when the resort re-opens for her MAW trip.

This morning over breakfast I was in another room with Jonathan while  JLK was getting a minor scolding from Tony. He was 100% right in what he was saying…but as I have said before its always hard..A bit later I looked at her and she looked like she was about to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she just stared at me. I scooped her up and took her onto our snuggle couch to talk.

I asked what was wrong…if she hurt? If she had hurt feelings? None of that. Poor Tony was feeling awful like it was him…

 

She finally said she sometimes had a hard time swallowing.

I asked for more information on what that meant. I was hoping that maybe it was something she just overheard. But as she explained in detail…how she will chew her food a lot and a lot…to make it really smooth but it doesn’t go down very well…I knew it was her newest truth…

It knocked me on my emotional ass to hear that. I just wasnt at all prepared. I know it can happen. I know it is often part of the tumor…

But its not time yet. She loves to eat.

please tumor don’t steal that pleasure from her so soon…

Some stomach bug got Jonathan sick on Friday night…and Tony a bit sick last night (but he is sure its food). Honestly though we have no way of knowing if the rest of us might get sick on the trip. And I have been pushing him to consider postponing…

Now though…I see what her drs where saying…so much can change so quickly.

I started this entry saying what we suddenly face is hard…now looking at her chewing one pretzel at a time…slowly…deliberately…while watching Winnie the Pooh preparing for our trip…

It struck me.

Its only sudden for me…

Though I fight it ..the honesty….the gut wrenching truth is..much of this… she must face alone.